Thanks for everything, 2014.

January 06, 2015

As 2014 has come and gone, we all get in the habit of looking back on the past year and reviewing how it went for us: what we learned, what we didn’t, what mistakes we made and the like. Like most people, I’m not a fan of the whole “new year, new me” theory because I’m a firm believer that you are you who are and that’s probably who who’ve always been (one tree hill reference, oops I’m a nerd.) At least innately. But I’m also a firm believer that we all still grow up and learn new things. For me, this is 5 things that made 2014 important.

  1. I found my one true love again. When I was younger, hands down writing was my past time. My mom & grandma knew it, my teachers knew it, my friends knew it. I envied authors and the way they made art from words - touching my soul and making sense of the unsensical. That’s who I wanted to be, if only to myself. I kept multiple journals, started many fiction pieces, etc. Once I came to college, I felt like I lost that deeply. While still keeping a journal, I still wasn’t able to be consistent with it. I was so busy learning how to live life and making friends and memories that I didn’t make time for the thing that used to be there for me the most. In 2014, with the help of a project I was helping a friend with and the creation of this blog, I got back to writing. While there aren’t many posts here, I can’t tell you how many drafts I have that aren’t published. 
  2. My confidence excelled. This past year, I began my time as Talons President and so far, it’s been going well. This was the thing that made me the most nervous because I feel like every action I do can be microscoped at any moment. There is always a critic. Of course there has been rough moments but my confidence has definitely grown from constantly having to be in front of a crowd and being a leader even when I may be having a bad day. More recently, I’ve gotten a promotion at work that’s also boosted my confidence but we’ll save that talk for another day. 
  3. My relationship with God was strengthened. A lot of people don’t know how religious I am. I don’t follow anything specific and I’m fine with whatever your beliefs are so please don’t preach to me because I won’t you. But I have a strong connection to the man above and can honestly say that this year I’ve felt the closest to Him. With this pivotal moment in my life, I found myself constantly leaning on Him more and seeing his plan work out for me. 9/10 times my life feels like a mess but 10/10 times God’s shown me the reason for the messiness.  
  4. Happiness can stay. For the longest time it felt as if happiness was something that wasn’t constant. I don’t mean that I’m not happy or that I’m not a happy person in general, just that I’m a.. content person. When someone asks you, “are you happy?” I feel as if I can’t remember the last time I was able to honestly say that wholeheartedly I was. It’s as if happiness was the cool new toy I had before anyone on the playground and while I wanted to flash it to all my friends and those closest to me, I was also terrified that the bully on the slide would come and take it away. Saying you’re happy, in my eyes, has always implied that you have something that can be taken away. That it’s fleeting. However recently, I found myself thinking “wow, I’m really happy and it hasn’t gone away despite the million and one things that are going on right now.” That to me, is progress at it’s finest. 
  5. I stopped being someone’s 2am. From the time I first fell in love until my extremely single status of the moment, things in the dating world were.. unusual. Any boy that I fell for or that fell for me back had more baggage than they allow you to take thru the airport. My most romantic moments usually involve moonlight and streets in front of houses, or talks in trucks. The operative denominator in these scenarios being private settings - at night. After realizing how tired of I am of secret relationships and not being enough to bask in the sun rather than only under twilight, I put it to a stop. I realized I deserved better. I’m me and most of the time, I think me is pretty cool. So therefore in 2014, the texts at 2am and the ‘when i’m in town’ texts stopped getting replies and stopped giving me false hope. I realized that someone sending me these wasn’t the kind of someone that really cared about me and that was okay. Because I don’t feel as nearly as lonely being single now than I did as the 2am girl. In fact, I don’t feel lonely at all. 
Well, there ya go. 2014 did some damn great things. I can't wait to see what 2015 has for me. 

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Just another millennial trying to entertain you with my thoughts on things you probably don't care about & other milestones along the way.
26. Texas.