Caught in a chase, 25 to life

January 11, 2018

   I started this post as a listicle on the 25 things I've learned in my 25 years. I wrote the intro, I wrote a bunch of rough drafts of the countdown and I realized it wasn't what I wanted to say at all. So I deleted it and now I'm writing this very raw post that I'm hoping will turn out to make some sense. 

   This week I turned 25. I celebrated over the weekend with so many of the people I hold close by singing my heart out at Emo Nite in Dallas and ending the night with someone passed out in my bathtub and an UberEats receipt for 40 nuggets at 4am. If you don't call that a successful night, I don't think you know how to have fun. Everyone always tells you that after you turn 21 there aren't many more "fun birthdays." I tried a quick google search to see what would help make me feel like 25 was a bit more glamorous but about 90% of them were other versions of listicles, but the cheesy kind. Don't get me wrong - I am queen of the cheese, I shamelessly love the sap. But these were the thought catalog kinds that are appealing to a much wider audience with the intent of being hashtag relateable. I'd like to think that everyone's story is a little different, and mostly special and while you can always find something to take from someone else's words, none of those really spoke to me.

   What were the most important things I have learned in my 25 years? I decided couldn't really be put in a list because some really do only apply to me - like the fact that I think it's a complete sham that movies make it seem like being pepper sprayed is something you can bounce back from minutes later. I was accidentally pepper sprayed when I was a kid and I thought I was blind for two hours. Or the fact that I can't be convinced to speed because I can't be bothered to deal with the court system and a ticket. I like being a safe driver, minus my braking issue. Or how I'll never waste my time buying expensive earrings because I can't be trusted to not lose one. I got that from my grandma.

   But also most of them are things that I think aren't as easy to put in a listicle. I am quite literally, on the brink of a quarter life crisis. Some of my favorite people are younger than me and some are old with spouses and kids. It's a weird place to be when you're relating to neither of the two. When you're past so many "firsts" but no where near so many "starts." I do find comfort in the ones who are my age around me and seeing that most of them are going thru the same crisis as I with jobs, love and other drugs. However - can we just say it? Fuck the timeline. I don't seem to see a correlation in any of the people I admire in terms of what society told me the steps to success were.

   At this current state of life, I am both equally happy and confused about pretty much everything. I want what I can't have and I strive for things I'm not sure I want. I've learned the most cleansing thing I could do for myself was see my mom as a person instead of just a parent. I've realized the importance of being my own favorite person because everyone who has told you they'll be your biggest fan forever could be gone in a moment's notice. Also the value of my alone time increased so much when I started to love myself. But on that same note, always appreciating the hell out of the people who are genuine and decide to stick around. I've learned what to take serious and what not and how much that can ease of your stress. I've had plenty of the bad sides of dating and guys that soon it must be my turn for the good side, right? I let myself feel everything 100% which is sometimes a burden but because of that I know that I am not damaged. I've excelled in a career that lets me live the life I want to live. My group of friends are so kick ass and let me be me. I don't have to do things I hate anymore to appease the people around me. I do my own taxes, and am the sole keeper of all my financial responsibilities. I have a skin care routine and I am happiest when my closet is organized. I do know who I am and I didn't know if I would know that by 25. Those are the biggest things I've learned.

   I'm excited to read this in 5 years when I've hit 30 (*mini panic attack ensues*) and see what else I've learned and what else has changed. When I read through some of the old posts on this blog, I don't agree with my own opinions sometimes anymore. I enjoy seeing that evolution. Here's to 25, and more character development to come.

   

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Just another millennial trying to entertain you with my thoughts on things you probably don't care about & other milestones along the way.
26. Texas.