Thursday, March 1, 2018

We love a well rested queen

Sleep was always scary as a kid. I hated the dark. I lived in an old house with a lot of people so hearing things in the night was all too common. When I was in elementary school, I was convinced that my dead uncle's ghost roamed the house at night. Not necessarily in a scary way, but the lingering feeling I always had would keep me up at night. I can remember my grandma teaching me about counting sheep, but more than that I can remember her telling me the prayer to repeat on nights when I couldn't. Not as often as a kid, but I've used it a couple times as an adult on abnormally bad nights.

Once I was in high school and had my own bed and privacy, I couldn't help but think there was something wrong with the girl who slept better on a couch than she ever did in her bed. I didn't feel like I knew how to get comfortable in a situation I hadn't had until now. I don't remember a lot of sleep in high school.

When I came to college. my dorm roommate loved sleep. It helped me that she loved sleep more during the day and loved being up all night because I related. Going to sleep when the sun was coming up and waking up when the sun was going down is a memory me and Manolo laugh about now for it being such a prime example of freshmen freedom and the straight disregard for so many other responsibilities.
As I progressed in college, my roommates later during this period (the corefour specifically) can recall finding me asleep at my desk, or sitting up in my bed. Rarely in bed, underneath the covers like a normal person. I had a job that would have in times as early as 5:30am and a social life that was beaming. Sleep wasn't a priority. Bon Jovi told me I'll sleep when I'm dead so I listened.

So what's the point of all this? I don't have a normal sleep schedule - I'm sure any 20-something year old agrees that sleep is something they put on the back burner. Except maybe my friend Maggie. She has great skin and she sleeps like a grandma. But I've always felt this complicated relationship of mine was a big road bump on the road to being the kind of person I wanted to be. Being perpetually tired and doing nothing about it drains so much of the good parts of you and I've felt that for over a decade.

When people ask me how I am casually at work or when I'm out and I respond with "tired," or "exchausted," I hate it. Being tired isn't a trait of the boss attitude I strive so hard to have. Being tired is an excuse I used to use so much to stop doing something I love and get rest instead. I could give you a lecture on how important sleep is to your ~health~ but let's not. SO what do we do? We try to be better.

I'm still very much struggling with this, but the first thing I decided to do was track my sleep in my trusty bullet journal. Seeing a visual of my bad habits has helped me understand my bad habits and I think that's true for anything. I think this is a small step for me in tracking so many other bad habits I've adapted. Seeing the tracker and directly seeing my mood tracker for each day on the next page shows a direct correlation on days when I got very little sleep and my less than great mood. I hope that at the end of the year my sleep tracker shows a much healthier ratio.
But most importantly, this sleep hill I'm walking upwards on has showed me that something I have had be a major factor in my life - for 25 years, can always be turned around. Sometimes I think we're too okay with bad things being the norm and we get comfortable. I hate being someone who is comfortable. In 2018, I hope to tackle even more bad habits to help get me to the me I like being.

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