It only took me a month to get closure on 2018.

January 25, 2019

I wrote you a blog post about 2018. I told you about the ups and the downs. I told you about the guy who didn't know he hurt me at the beginning of the year. I told you about how I was happy to be hurt because I didn't know if the guy before him had turned me numb. I told you about the job promotion I didn't get and how I can tell you the saddest day I had of 2018 because my apple watch has the day saved from when I didn't get out of bed for 12 hours. I told you about how for months, I was so very lost. I told you about how I hate sometimes that everything happens for a reason - because months later I would get the same promotion, only better. I told you about how painstakingly I needed change but didn't realize it and how cleansing it was when I finally got it. I told you about friends who moved back to me who I missed so much and other friends who moved across the country to give me someone new to miss. I told you about how 2018 was hard. But it wasn't my hardest year. (2015 will always take the cake - at least for now.) I told you that I didn't think I was shaped into a different person but rather than I think I was who I always knew I was but just needed a push to be a little more strong, a little more independent.

And then I saved it, and locked it away for my eyes to look back on later down the line. I decided to write a new post because the me I am today doesn't need to reminisce the way I used to. Reading it back, I didn't know why I was talking. As a writer, I never like when I don't know why I'm writing or why I'm sharing with an audience. I was talking to a friend the other day about how 2019 is all about being drama free and how important it is to not hold onto your sorrows the way I seemed to love to do for awhile. I wanted to reflect on 2018 like most of us do in the new year, and especially me who celebrates a birthday about a week after. Progress! Reflection! Don't we love nostalgia - even in the short term? When I thought about this, I thought of all the happiness I had in the midst of so, so many stretches of bad luck and bad days I felt like 2018 was giving to me. Holding onto the bad was what I always felt like was going to give me the most learning. So many times, I'd rationalize bad things happening as my karma that I was getting for things I've done in the past. 2018 made me realize quite honestly that life just.. doesn't care about you enough to keep up with that. Shit happens. I know the cards I was dealt this past year weren't because of who I was. There were just the luck of the draw. I think always knowing that I deserved better was what was going to end up being my saving grace and eventually being what helped me grow the fuck up.

Because now, I don't want to tell you about all those other things. I want to tell you about how much more I've learned in a position I thought I was maxed out on. I want to tell you about how I know I'm going to turn a mess into a masterpiece soon. I want to tell you about how in 2018 I did less traveling and less live music than I've done in previous years and those used to be the tenants of me claiming my happiness. I want to tell you that I went on a work trip and I drank by myself on my hotel room's balcony and toasted at my accomplishments with the person that got me there - me. I want to tell you about how many fights my friends and I got through because that is what becoming adults is. I also really want to tell you how proud I am of all of them because there isn't a person around me who I hold close that isn't doing something amazing personally or professionally even if they don't know that. I want to tell you about things I used to be happy for for a millisecond and then let a cloud of despair come over it but my forecast has seemed so clear for so long.

I wrote you a blog post about 2018, but I realized I didn't need to write one for you. I needed to write one for me and that's what 2018 did.

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It only took me a month to get closure on 2018.

I wrote you a blog post about 2018. I told you about the ups and the downs. I told you about the guy who didn't know he hurt me at the b...

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Just another millennial trying to entertain you with my thoughts on things you probably don't care about & other milestones along the way.
26. Texas.